Calesent
by Lololova
Summary: Prompt: Takes place after the session Beckett has with dr. Burke in 4x21. Calescent Adjective 1. growing warm; increasing in heat


_Prompt: Takes place after the session Beckett has with dr. Burke in 4x21._

Calescent = Adjective 1. growing warm; increasing in heat

* * *

"You're upset."

"No! Yes. Okay, fine, yes. I thought that the two of us were actually getting closer together, and now it seems like he's just _pulling away_ ," Kate Beckett paced the small area between the couch and the wall in the therapist's office.

"Have you asked him why?" Dr. Burke questioned in his normal calm voice. _Damn therapist voice._

"Yes, and he said," her voice dropped a couple tones in imitation of her partner's, "'Oh, everything is fine.'"

"What makes you think it isn't?" The question had Kate boiling with anger.

"Because he's acting like a complete jackass!" she yelled out. "He shows up at the precinct with these _bimbos_ hanging on his arm, and now he's running around with another _cop_!" She recalled the a few days earlier when the writer had showed up with _Jacinda_ , how he'd ran off to shadow Slaughter when she was thinking he was _finally_ coming back to see _her_.

"Is this other cop a woman?"

"No!" she yelled out before she could clam herself and repeated her answer in a more normal tone. "Why why would you even ask that? That's not even the point. The point is, I don't understand why he's acting like this. I mean, what did I do?" She was rambling, her voice was barely keeping it together, and she knew the way she reacted would show too much of herself to her therapist but she couldn't stop. She just _couldn't figure out what the hell she did to make him run away from her_.

"Well, maybe, from his point of view, the question is, what didn't you do?" Dr. Burke asked and she turned to the therapist.

"Wait. What?" her mind went blank. "W- what do you mean?"

She took a few steps closer to the doctor, her hands on her hips as she demanded to know what the hell he was talking about. _What didn't she do?_

"When you were shot," Dr. Burke began, "Castle said that he loved you. How long ago was that?"

It didn't take her more than a millisecond to answer, she'd kept track. _Of course she'd keep track_. "Seven months ago, but I wasn't ready to hear that then..." she was still yelling and the therapist was calmly raising his voice in order to cut her off.

"What do you think he's telling you with his behavior?"

Kate's opened mouth shut, a small silence filling the room as she tried to follow the therapist's mind.

"That maybe he's not there... anymore? That maybe he's not ready?" her tone turned up a notch at the end, hoping that was what the therapist meant. But even she knew that wasn't what he'd meant before he gave her that knowing look. She felt her heart shutter, and her legs felt like they were about to give out under her weight. Sighing at the sudden realization she should've seen before, she sat down at the edge of the couch she hadn't been able to sit in during the whole session. Her eyes started watering, _fuck she didn't want to cry_ , and she drew her hand through her hair, putting it behind her ear. "What if I waited too long?" her worst fear escaped past her lips and it was the first time during that whole session she was calm again, but it was also the first time she really took her her situation and had her heart break.

"You weren't _waiting_ , Kate. You were _healing_ ," Dr. Burke defended her behavior but it didn't help. At all.

"Yeah, but then in the meantime, he's moved on," she looked at the therapist again, silently hoping for another reason even though she felt pretty hopeless.

"Or he's protecting himself by not taking more emotional risks," he gave and she looked away again, trying to comprehend what the doctor was saying.

"So then what do I do?" To her small irritation she saw the question backfire long before Dr. Burke opened his mouth, could see the small twinkle in his eye and the small smile she'd seen so many times before when he'd shot back a question.

"What do you want to do?"

 _I want to fuck his brain out._ She couldn't stop the thought but thankfully she did stop it from getting out of her mouth. She gave the doctor an irritated look before putting her head in her hands as she tried to sort out the new information. The rest of the session was done in quiet, Dr. Burke didn't try to talk to her and she suspected it was to let her think about what they'd said. Kate also suspected he didn't try to get her thoughts out in the open due to the small time there had been left on their session. When she stood from the edge of the couch she still felt weak in her knees but did her best not to show the doctor as they said their goodbye and she walked out of the office. Being in her own mind she kept thinking about how her partner had pulled away to shadow another cop. When he'd come in that morning she'd thought it had been for her, she'd _thought_ he _missed_ her as much as _she_ missed _him_. It had torn her heart apart when he asked about that severed head case. _He'd brought her coffee for god's sake!_ A bribe, she'd realized. _A fucking bribe_. She felt her eyes sting and realized she shouldn't be driving unless she could control the emotions stacking up against her. _When had she even started the car?_ She looked around for a good place to park and the second she found one she pulled the car into it without hesitation. Almost instantly she started to cry. The tears had been held in for too long and she couldn't stop them from breaking out. _He was done waiting_. _She'd lost her chance._ As her tears ran down she planted her forehead onto the wheel, and for once she let it all out. She cried out and prayed no one would stop and look into her car. Her right hand found its way to her chest, inside the opening of her shirt, to clench her fingers around her mother's ring right at her scar. This all started because of that damn case, because of that son of a bitch who killed her mother. She was going to lose everything because of that asshole.

 _I love this run-and-gun police work._ That's what her partner, maybe former partner, had said when he left her precinct with Slaughter. He'd not cared for his life. _Did she do that to him?_ _Did she push him so far that he actually didn't care if he lived or died during this case?_ One thing was for sure though.

"I waited too long," she whispered out as her crying came to a slow stop. With a sigh she corrected herself, "I was healing." _But it still took too long_.

Letting go of another sigh she straightened from the wheel and placed her back against the car seat. She took deep breaths and started wiping at her eyes to get rid of the tears. As she managed to wipe away the blur her tears had caused her eyes caught sight of where she was.

" _Damn it_ ," she hissed out and reached for the car key but froze the second her fingers were wrapped around it.

 _What do you want to do?_ _I want to fuck his brain out._ The unspoken confession circled her mind. Would he still care if she asked him to? _No more emotional risks_. What if she'd tell him she was getting better, that she wasn't an emotion risk, that she was _trying_. She looked up again, realizing she'd held her gaze to her hands for a long time, and set her eyes on the entrance to his building. She wondered if he would even be home yet, or if he was out with Slaughter. Looking at herself in the mirror she tried to wipe at her makeup, make sure the doorman wouldn't stop her to ask her how she was doing. She was nowhere looking completely fine, her mascara still a bit smudged around her eyes, but she decided there wasn't much more she could do. Taking out the key from the ignition she took one deep breath before she opened her car door and set her pace to his building. She greeted the doorman quickly with a fake smile as she walked past him and she could see he had a small worry in his eyes but didn't take action on it. Standing in the elevator she was starting to fiddle with the ring around her neck again, nerves. She found herself being nervous, what if he'd reject her? What if he'd kick her out and just never, _ever_ , want to see her again? What if she'd lost her partner for real? _Fuck_. Her tears were back again. She stepped out of the elevator but once she got to his loft door she stopped, frozen with her body turned towards the home of her partner. She was contemplating whether to knock, or not. Chance was he wasn't even home yet. Therefore the chance of his mother or daughter opening the door was big, bigger than she wanted it to be, and the chance of the two redheads still liking her was a lot smaller than she wanted it to be. _This was a bad idea_.

"Beckett?!" The turned up notch of his voice was filled with surprise and Kate turned around to see her partner, former partner?, walking towards her from the elevator. "What are you doing here?"

"I-I..." She closed her mouth, realizing she had no idea what to say and that even if she tried her voice would shudder in a way that would've immediately warned him of her previous crying. He knew her too damn well.

Her eyes turned down to the floor and, before she could really take control over her body, her hands clenched together in front of her, fumbling with her fingers a bit she knew her body was telling him of how nervous she was.

"Well, if you don't have anything important I'm on my way out again, just needed a new set of clothes then I'll head out to meet Slaughter," Castle said and walked past her to unlock his door.

Her head snapped up, _he was going out at this time?_ "Why are you following him, Castle? _Why_ are you risking _your life_ for him?!" Her tone was accusing and she was already regretting how she approached the matter.

He spun around on his heels and looked at her with a thin line of his lips, there was anger in his eyes but she could see how hard he was trying to keep calm.

"Did you come here just to insult me? I _am_ capable of taking care of myself. You just never gave me a chance."

"Never gave... Castle, just because you can doesn't mean I _want_ you in life threatening situations but need I remind you I've always trusted you when we've been forced into them!" Her yelling _really_ wouldn't help but he was just _so frustrating_.

"Yeah, sure. What makes you think I won't be able to handle whatever comes my way then? Huh? You don't trust me to take care of myself when you're not with me," his anger was clear now and she couldn't stop the tears from watering her eyes again.

She was about to bite back but when her lip started to shiver she bit it instead, but her stare never left his eyes. He hated her. She didn't know what she'd done to make him hate her but it was evident he was so furious with her. Or, maybe it _was_ what she _hadn't_ done. Maybe Dr. Burke was right. "Why are you pulling away? What did I do?"

His jaw clenched so hard and so fast Kate could almost swear she could hear the snap of his jaw. His blue eyes were still filled with anger but now she could also see a glimpse of hurt. _When did she hurt him? How?_ He broke eye contact before she could investigate more in his blues and shook his head, mentally pushing her away.

"Nothing, it's nothing," he said but she could see that even to him he sounded too harsh. He was turning around now and walking through his opened door before turning back to her. "Like I said, I need to go change."

Before he could close the door though she made a quick decision and pushed through, making his eyes widen as he stumbled back at the sudden movement. His widened eyes clearly showed how surprised he was by her.

"What are you doing? Beckett, I don't have time for this," his voice was stern, controlled, as if he wanted to shout but was able to keep it calm.

He was trying to push her away, and she realized he was doing exactly what she'd always done to him. She'd pushed him away when he talked about her mother's case. She'd pushed him away by dating other men. She'd pushed him away _even though_ he'd claimed his love for her and she'd _known_ he would do anything for her. She'd shed away because she couldn't handle the emotional risk that would follow her if she let him know she heard him. Dr. Burke was right.

"I'm tired of this," she muttered and walked right up to put her hands on his cheeks, standing up on her toes to crash her lips onto his.

He stumbled a little by her force but she refused to let go that easily and stayed on his mouth, kissing his lips. She could feel the shock in his whole body by how tense he became, and once he caught up with what was happening she felt his hands wrap around her wrists and push her away. Their lips made a pop sound when they were ripped apart by his sudden push, and she bit her lower lip in order to try and get controlled over its shivering. Her lips tingled, she had never felt that before but they did.

"Wha-what are you doing? Is-is this some kind of joke to you?" His tone was accusing and she stumbled back by the harshness she hadn't expected. He didn't let go of her wrists and so she didn't stumble too far away.

"W-what?" her voice sounded so small, because she was so taken aback by his accusation and the hurt in his blue eyes. There was still anger as well and _she didn't understand_!

"Oh, don't play dumb, Beckett." She tried searching his eyes, tried to understand, and at the same time he was looking into hers. For a few seconds they were both quiet, and Kate found it uncomfortable how quiet he was. He was never quiet. Or, more accurate, he _had_ never been quiet before he suddenly changed. _Oh, and she'd been so ready to confess her feelings after Lanie's talk_. It had surprised her how much it'd hurt when he showed up at the crime scene with Jacinda, and hurt even more when he said he needed 'fun and uncomplicated'. "You really don't know, do you," Castle interrupted her thoughts and she suddenly realized the previous tears that had lured in her eyes were running down her cheeks nonstop. Focusing on his eyes again she could see the anger was gone, replaced by a small confusion. Shaking her head she was suddenly pulling away from him, his fingers clenching a bit harder around her wrists.

"This was a bad idea," she mumbled, but even though she tried pulling away she really wasn't trying her hardest. "Dr. Burke was wrong. I waited too long, I healed for too long." She was only mumbling, didn't expect him to hear her at all, but she couldn't keep her thoughts inside anymore, they needed out. She knew she shouldn't blame herself for taking the time she needed to heal but she did. It was her fault he was pulling away.

"Y-you're seeing a doctor? You okay?" he asked with worry in his tone and she took a shivering breath.

"A therapist," she let out. She saw his eyes fill with shock, he had definitely not expected she was still going. _He probably never even knew she'd gone in the first place_. "I shouldn't have bothered you, you should get ready for _Slaughter_ ," she couldn't stop the resentment from entering her voice at his name. That damn cop was stealing her writer. Of course, hadn't she held him at arms length maybe he wouldn't have.

Castle pulled her closer when she tried to escape again and she felt her heart pick up speed. He was so close, she could simply stand on her toes again and she'd be able to claim his lips again. But she wouldn't, it had been a mistake, he'd pushed her away and she was sure her heart couldn't take that one more time.

"Whoa, you really resent him," he stated and she huffed.

"He's trying to kill my partner, of course I hate him. Besides I promised to be a one writer girl and you just... you just..." Her voice died out, replaced by a sob that escaped before she could stop it.

"Kate, don't cry, please." One of his hands left her wrist to wipe her tears at her cheek with his thumb. She hated it but hearing him say her first name and not her surname only made more tears leave her eyes. _Why did she come here after her session with Dr. Burke?! She was always more emotional after those sessions!_

She clenched her eyes shut and focused on the warmth his hand was transferring to her cheek, tried to take control over herself again. She couldn't believe she was crying in front of him, she really was too vulnerable after this whole mess and she wanted to flee.

"Did you mean it?" he completely took her off guard and she opened her eyes to show him exactly how confused she got. "The kiss," he explained. "Did you mean it?"

She wrinkled her forehead, "How can someone _not_ mean a kiss?"

He squirmed a little and before she knew it his lips were on hers, claiming her lips as if he had been waiting to do so in a life time. She had a feeling he had. The kiss was feverish and she could feel the arousal going down her belly. _God, she wanted more_. The hand he'd had on her wrist let her go in order to snake it around her body and pull her flushed against him. She moaned at his action and parted her lips the second she felt his tongue brush against her lower lip. A shiver went down her spine as his taste filled her mouth. He pushed her and she startled a little when the door slammed but having felt it against her back she knew it had been the door. He mumbled a small apology against her mouth but didn't let go of her lips, didn't stop the hypnotic strokes of his tongue agains't hers. She couldn't stop the moan from roaring up her throat and the words she'd thought at the end of her session circled her mind again. _I want to fuck his brain out._ She started pulling at his jacket, her fingers clenching around the ends on his neck in order to pull the jacket down his arms and once it was off she started with unbuttoning his shirt. In the meantime she felt his hands go down and grab the back of her thighs and without any signal she jumped up as he pulled her up onto his hips. _They could still communicate without words_. She moaned at the feel of him growing bigger and harder through his pants and she couldn't stop but move her center against his as best she could while being in his arms. She felt a static run down her veins when he groaned at her movement, and the two had to break their lips apart to be able to get in some well deserved air.

"Bedroom?" she breathed out, not wanting to stop and talk, she was kind of afraid he would stop and talk if they didn't keep the fire alive. And she didn't want to talk, she wanted to have him.

Castle immediately carried her towards his bedroom, he didn't stop until he could throw her down onto his bed. Looking down at her he had never seen a woman fit so well in his bed, and he could feel all the love he'd tried to push down come bubbling up again. Kate felt her heart skip at the look he was giving her, and she felt her skin blush at how he just stood there and looked at her. She bit her lip and saw how his blue eyes immediately went there, she saw a sparkle make his eyes darken and he lowered down onto the bed. She reached for him, unbuttoned the last couple of buttons on his shirt and his lips crashed with hers again once they, together, pulled his shirt off. As soon as the shirt was off she felt his hands tug on her own, and she complied by arching her back before lifting her upper body to let him take it off. Once the shirt was out of the way he froze for a second and before she could ask what was wrong he leaned down and kissed in between her breasts. _Her scar_. She gasped when his tongue came in contact with her old wound and she felt his fingers sneak behind her back to undo her bra. He picked it off to let his lips and tongue glide from her scar and to her right breast.

"Oh god," she mewled as he started to suck, stroking her nipple with his tongue.

He groaned and she squirmed beneath him because those vibrations sent amazing sensations down her abdomen. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she wondered if it hurt him but the was he was working her she couldn't stop clenching her fingers, which most likely pulled his hair too harshly. Moving further down he was soon kissing her belly button and drawing out sounds from her mouth she'd never heard herself make before. His fingers tickled the pant line as he started unbuttoning her jeans. Once he was pulling her pants down she followed him to the end of the bed in order to start fiddling with _his_ buckle and zipper. He helped her push his pants down quick and he kicked them off as he put his hands on the sides of her and pushed her down with his body covering hers. She let go of a small yelp at the sudden fall to her back but moaned the second he started grinding between her legs because even though they both had underwear still on it felt so much better than in her dreams. She hooked her leg around him and spun them around to land on top of him. Attacking his throat with her lips she let her hands feel his chest, going down his belly to his boxers where she started tugging them off. She mimicked his movements from earlier, kissing her way down his chest, his belly, as she freed his hard member from its confines.

"Kate," he moaned when she kissed his length and she couldn't stop the smirk from entering her lips.

When his boxers were off and down by the floor at the edge of the bed she took him into her mouth, circling her tongue around him, stroking as she slowly pulling him in and out. He groaned and she smirked as he started moving his hips, started sucking harder as she moved her hands to hold his hips. She glanced up at him to see he was eyeing her with amazed blues, could see he was fighting not to roll his eyes back in pleasure. She released him with a pop but continued to tease him with her tongue until he growled and his fingers started fiddling with her hands to tug her upwards. Sticking her tongue out between her lips she crawled up his body, her lips soon connecting to his in a heated kiss. His hands started tugging on her panties to get them off. As soon as they were she felt his fingers run through her center and she gasped at the sudden touch. He took advantage of her parted lips by pushing his tongue into her mouth and started stroking her tongue as his fingers teased her lower lips, her juices coating his fingers.

"Condom?" she moaned into his lips and he nodded, breaking apart in order to open the drawer in his night table. She stole the package from his fingers and made quick work of opening and putting on the rubber.

"You sure?" he groaned and her response was to place him at her entrance and slowly sink into him.

 _Oh god_. He was filling her up perfectly and both of them moaned at the sudden feeling of _finally_. Kate suddenly realized she _didn't_ want to fuck his brain out, she wanted to make love, and so she slowed down. She moved her hips in a slow, gentle pace and she felt his fingers stroke her back, sending tingles to where their bodies were joined. Their noses nudged together as their bodies moved in the slow but beautiful rhythm they set together. Kate had never felt so... she couldn't describe it, but she was reaching her first orgasm faster than she usually did and she could feel he was as close as she was. She nibbled at his lips and let go off a small yelp when he suddenly crashed his lips on hers and flipped them over to be on top. The new angle had her mewling in approval, meeting his thrusts with her own movements of her hips. As they were reaching their climax the trusts became sloppier and they could barely keep their mouths touching due to the heavy panting coming out their parted lips. She felt herself tighten around him right before she came and soon after she felt him let go too. He stroked inside of her a few more seconds to ride out their high before he slipped out and fell into the mattress beside her, careful not to crush her.

"That was..." he panted out.

"Yeah," she agreed, swallowing thickly as she tried to catch her breath.

Their breaths were the only sound in the room as they lay beside each other in the bed, their hearts calming down after the high they both had just reached. After their breathing were finally back to normal they stayed quiet for a few more minutes, none of them really knowing what to say. Castle was still unsure of what the hell just happened. Of course he _knew_ what had just happened but he still didn't _know_ what had just happened. Was still unsure if she meant it all or if it had all been in the heat of the moment. Kate was unsure how he would react, wasn't sure if he understood what all had come from. She had been so angry at him at the start of the day, been so mad when he came to her only to ask to shadow Slaughter. Then at Dr. Burke's session everything had turned and she'd been so depressed, thinking she missed her chance. He had been so angry with her too, and she still had no clue as to why. _Why_ had he yelled at her? What was it that he'd said again? _Is this some kind of joke to you?_ That's what he'd said. Right after she'd kissed him. Right after she'd gotten enough courage to act on her feelings and he'd asked if she thought it was a joke? What was a joke?

"Why did you think me kissing you was a joke?" she quietly voiced her thoughts, almost too quiet for him to hear but by the way she could suddenly feel his eyes on her she, knew he'd heard her.

She took a deep breath before she met his blue eyes with her own, scared of what she might find. Scared of what she might not find.

"Why did you show up at my door?" he whispered back, and even though he was good at hiding his feelings, _when did he get good at that?_ , she could see a glimpse of fear in his blues too.

Taking in another deep breath she bit her lower lip and looked away, set her eyes to the ceiling as she opened her mouth.

"I went to Dr. Burke after overhearing you with Slaughter, you said how you loved this ' _run-and-gun'_ police work that you did with Slaughter, and I... I couldn't handle. I needed to yell, scream, and the closest to do so I figured would be at my therapist's." Her whispers were the only thing filling the silence of the room and even though she wanted to look at him, see his reaction, she couldn't. She was too afraid of what she'd see. "I told him, I've told him everything before, and I yelled about how angry I was at you for... pulling away." She exhaled slowly and was both surprised and grateful he was still quiet, waiting for her to finish. "Dr. Burke said maybe... maybe you were done taking emotional risks," she bit her lip. "Maybe done with loving me."

The bed rumbled as he was suddenly placing his face over hers to get her eyes onto him. His blues were wide and filled with surprise and fear. Her gut told her to look away, to run, hide, and she wanted to, so badly, but she stood her ground and held her eyes set on his.

"And why would you worry about me not loving you?"

She felt her eyes tear up again, he wanted confirmation and she felt her whole body wanting to shut down and hide. Like she had so many times before she wanted to crumble down into a hole of her own and not take the risk she hadn't taken since her mom died. Her lips shivered as she parted them, her voice was small and barely audible as she spoke, almost shivering in the same rate as her lips.

"Because I love you."

His lips came crashing to hers and she couldn't stop the sudden crying escaping her. The tears rolling down her cheeks mixed between their lips and the writer immediately, but gently, pulled away when the salt mixed with the sweet taste of her.

"I'm not done loving you, Kate, I never could be," he said with a determined voice and she let go of a sob as she let her hand cup his cheek.

Her lips pulled up in a small smile as she felt relief move through her body, he was such a sweet and loving man. She lightly ran her fingers down his cheek and she was satisfied he understood her small movement. He bent down and she met him halfway to kiss his lips again. She felt his body sink into hers again and she smiled through their kiss.

"We got more to talk about," he mumbled against her lips but she felt his smile and his lips wanted to part from hers as much as she wanted to part from his.

"Later, let's just... make up for lost time," she chuckled as she felt his fingers skim down to her breast, lightly running them in a teasing matter. _Which was also quite ticklish_.

The two started rolling around, nipping and teasing each other as they slowly worked up for another round of beautiful bliss. They _would_ talk, about everything, but at the time they just wanted to enjoy their confessions of being in love with one another. Just like Kate had told him everything he planned on telling her his part too. How he thought she hadn't known how to let him down gently and just kept him along, he was also planning on telling her about the voice on the phone telling him to keep her away from her mother's case, how he'd pursued it himself behind her back because the deal hadn't included him not looking into it. Kate was planning to tell him more, about all the times she'd wanted to call him during the summer of recovery. They would talk. But first they would make love.

 _THE END_

* * *

 _ _A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you liked it as much as I did writing it! I really wanted to play around with the idea of Stana's add-lip (is that how it's spelled?) in the bloopers and at first I had no intention of making it so... what's the word... difficult? I didn't exactly had in mind they would fight or so but it just felt right when I started typing it. It felt like that's what they'd do. Anyway, for the next fic I think it's going to be a one shot but I'm still working on it (haven't had much freetime the last couple days) so I have no clue as to when I'll post it. Might be giving a heads up when it's finished on my twitter though so if you don't follow me already feel free to do so. Till next time, xxxx_  
_


End file.
